Category Archives: Gotta Laugh

The Ability to Compromise

I believe I have many positive qualities I bring to all of my relationships in my life, be they with my coworkers, friends, family, or a boyfriend.  As we mature we refine our qualities and everyone in our life helps to either buff or hone those qualities as needed.

I think one key quality to any lasting relationship is the ability to compromise.  And recently I’ve noticed a lot of compromising going on at my end of the relationship.  A few examples:

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The Cookie War of 2016

I am a proud mother of two high school kids – a 16 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. They are both active with multiple after-school activities (baseball, softball, band, officiating games, social media, art, etc.)…so pretty normal, run-of-the-mill teenagers.

Until cookies enter the scene. Specifically, Oreos.

Every grocery store trip involves a stop in the cookie aisle. My daughter has always been the one with the sweet tooth but when it comes to Oreos my son is hands-down more possessive about the cookies.


2015 Christmas Haul

A few years ago their grandparents gave packages of Oreos as stocking stuffers to both my kids. Since then it’s a Christmas tradition – they are guaranteed Oreos in their stockings every year now. This past Christmas was the best haul yet. (The Caramel Apple Oreos were in my stocking and they are the best I have ever tasted!)

A typical sound heard in our home is one of the kids hollering, “Where are the Oreos?” Usually the other one starts giggling, either having hidden the Oreos yet again so they can keep them all to themselves or having already eaten all in the package.

As with any war, escalation was expected.  Earlier this week I found war correspondence on the kitchen table.


Declaration of war

The struggle is real in our home.  Perhaps we can call a temporary truce today of all days.


Got milk?


Thank God I’m Allowed to Drink at Work

When you work in Customer Service there are days you get the best customers and there are other days where you get the REAL cream of the crop. The customers that make you go “hmmm”. Today, this guy took the cake.

Now, stick with me for a minute while I give you some background info on this guy.

I had the pleasure of doing business with him once before several months ago. During that close encounter of the third kind I learned quite a bit about the type of person he is. It just so happened it was right after that political incident where the politician made the unfortunate comment about “Legitimate Rape”. So being the hot topic of the moment, this customer asks me what I think about the whole issue.

Me: (Not AT ALL wanting to get into a political discussion with a customer) I don’t really follow the news and stuff, so I don’t really have an opinion on whether what he said was right or wrong.
Customer: But do you think a woman should be able to abort a child?
Me: (Is this even the same topic?? Fine, he’s getting it now) Absolutely!
Customer: Well, the Bible says (blah blah blah).
Me: And your point?
Customer: Do you even go to church?
Me: Yes, I go to XYZ.
Customer: (Astonished) I do, too. Did you just start going?
Me: No, I’ve been going for over five years now.
Customer: Oh, but not consistently?
Me: I haven’t missed but a handful of Sundays since I started going.

(This guy is clearly at a loss as to how I can believe what I do believe and yet still attend the same church he does. And as you can tell, he CLEARLY makes very offensive statements and doesn’t even realize he’s being offensive – or if he does he’s doing so in order to get his opinion across.)

Ok, so fast-forward to our encounter today…and please keep in mind that this guy’s conversation does not FLOW…he just tosses out these gems from left field.

Customer: Do you know if Verizon lets you drop the texting option from your phone package?
Me: (This is not a Verizon center, how the hell would I know?) Ummm…I’m not really sure, I think it’s just part of all the packages now and you really can’t piecemeal them together or apart.
Customer: I paid over $3000 for texting last year and I have just had it with my kids and texting. How much do you pay for yours?
Me: (That’s a pretty personal question buddy) I’m not too sure because I’m still on my ex-husbands plan and it’s just sort of something we work out each month.
Customer: You guys getting back together then?
Me: (Where the fuck did that come from??) Oh God no! (And I said that knowing FULL WELL he’s a bible thumper.)
Customer: Well, you need to be married, are you even looking?
Me: (Who the hell are you telling me what I need??) Yeah, I’m working on that. Not a lot of good options out there. (Case in point standing right in front of me.)


At this point I beat feet out to the bay for a breather. I only go back in the office area when the phone rings, and each time I do he gets me with another zinger!

Customer: (Saying this as soon as I hang up the phone) So, when are you going to buy a home?
Me: (Do I look homeless? I mean, I know these are my crappy shorts and I probably have a salsa stain on my shirt somewhere from lunch today, but Jesus, do I just come off as a person who doesn’t have her own place?) I BUILT my home eight years ago.
Customer: So, do you go to church?
Me: (OMG, here we go again) Yes, I go to XYZ, same as you.
Customer: (Pausing) Oh yeah, we spoke about this last time I was here. Well, you should be able to find a man at church.
Me: Ummm…yeah….
Customer: Do you do any volunteer work?
Me: (Completely disoriented by yet ANOTHER change in topic – seriously dude, use a transition in your segway every now and then) When I can.
Customer: Do you want to?
Me: ….huh?
Customer: Do you want to go to the hospital for volunteer work?
Me: ….ummm…..
Customer: You know, my wife and I just started a Bible study group, and there are a bunch of us that get together every other week, do you live near the church?
Me: I live just a mile from here.
Customer: Oh, never mind, but the volunteer thing you could do.

Wait, WTF just happened here? He was inviting me to join his Bible study but then decided I live too far away and so couldn’t possibly be interested in attending his Bible study because of that BUT I would still be interested in volunteering at some random-ass hospital somewhere around the city that isn’t any closer to here than his damn Bible study would be?

And why the hell am I arguing in my head FOR attending his damn Bible study?

Customer: You know, you could be helping out at a hospital and a doctor comes strolling by and says to the nurse, “Hey, who’s that? Can you introduce me?”
Me: (Incredulous) Sweet baby Jesus…which hospital is that, exactly?

So, to sum up: Apparently I’m a single, homeless wench in need of getting back with my ex-husband or any man to end my non-married, lack of being a home-owner status who also needs to desparately volunteer at a hospital to get a doctor to notice me.

Seriously need to rethink the shorts and shirt combo I wore today. I don’t think I was going for any particular look, but it definitely wasn’t the one he got.

And yes, I know I’m going to Hell for this one. No need to tell him that, though, I’ve been saved already. Not that he would assume that, though.

Spock Squared

OMG, I’m totally geeking out over this Audi Star Trek add.




Just One of the Perks

Boss: Hey, can you come out here in the shop and help me with this truck for a bit?

Me: Yup.

Boss: (Bouncing on the front fender of the truck) Hear that squeak? I need to locate it, bounce on this while I get under and look.

Me: That’s what he said.

Boss: (chuckles as he lays on the creeper and rolls under the truck)

Boss: Ok, start bouncing it……ok, let me move over a bit.

(At this point I now have to straddle him with my legs while he is under the truck and I’m leaning on the front fender, prepared to bounce it.)

Boss: Ok, start bouncing it again.

(Now a customer walks around the front of the truck to me straddling the lower half of the boss’ body while leaning forward on the fender, bouncing up and down.)

Customer, eyebrows sky high: Is that part of the job description?

Me: No, just one of the perks.

Boss (dying laughing): Isn’t she great, man?

Jello Shots and Lube

Conversation with my boss’ wife at work today:

BW: Hey, I have to go to a toy party tonight.

Me: A what?

BW: I don’t know, one of those sex toy party things. Wanna go with me?

Me: OMG, who is hosting that?

BW: You should come with me, we can get you some toys to play with!

(Then the Boss walks into the room)
Boss: Get her a big black dildo, she needs that.

BW: If I bring a friend I get a free gift. Maybe it’s a butt plug!

Me: Or nipple clamps.

BW: Ow, I hope not, that would hurt!

Boss: We can hook a little battery up to them and give you a jolt. ZZZzz!

BW: So you wanna go?

Me: I was planning on going to the outdoor movie at the park tonight, or Iron Man 3 if it rains.

BW: By yourself again, right? Oh come on, this will be much more fun! I’ll text you about seven and let you know where to go. There will be jello shots!

Boss: Jello shots and lube. Damn, this is info us guys need! I’ll spread the word, you think you’ll be liquored up and lubed by 11, honey?

Just another typical Friday at work….

J.B. Weld Can’t Help Me Here

Background info: Due to an insensitive prick of an ex-boyfriend my indoor cats of six years became outdoor cats last year. Long story, will get to those rants another time. Also, J.B. Weld and I became intimately related during the Patio Door fiasco of 2010.

Today: The kids and I arrive home and unload ourselves from the car. Trinity heads upstairs when we all hear a very loud, “Meow!” Then I hear, “Holy cow! Mom, Curla is in the house!”

Since it was a gorgeous day we left a bunch of windows open – all of which are fully screened. Looking around I see this:

Knock Knock Bitch

Knock Knock Bitch

I tell the kids to stop looking for Cowin since he’s outside enjoying the work of his partner in crime. We boot Curla out of the house and while the kids eat the leftover tacos (leaving me NONE, the turds!) I pull up my big girl tool belt and tackle the screen repairs.

Nailed it!

Nailed it!

PS: I hope her claws are as shredded as my screen.

WANTED:  Curla Cat Crime: Breaking & Entering

WANTED: Curla Cat
Crime: Breaking & Entering

Worth watching and laughing along.

I needed this laugh today!

You snooze, you lose…

Today I was minding my own business at work when my text notification alerts me.


Me: ??

Tbone: Just don’t accept the picture dad is sending you.

(Now I’m intensly curious.)

Five minutes later I get this picture message:


Gotta love how much Trinity is enjoying the chance to humiliate her older brother!

—–Paybacks are hell, though—–

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One Mile Smile

by Sarah Clouser

Mind of Chaos

How easy it would be, to sit here, telling the world that my struggles were all due to outside sources, that my 2am, scattered-sleep nights were caused by a destructive family life, or the villainous boys I met in high school. How easy it would be to place the blame on undeserved circumstances. I am a strong believer in the “we make our own choices” concept of life, and that life does not discriminate in placing innocent people, in hard paths of being. For me, the life-defining choice was to allow myself to fall victim to my own mind, and for my inside, tyrannical anxiety, to control my outside actions. That moment, whenever it might have been, has visited me in nightmare-like ways, all throughout my young adulthood.

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